Rush Limbaugh Confuses Affirmitive Action With Democracy

Rush Limbaugh was hoping that Hillary would get the 2008 Presidential nod, but alas, it was Obama. Attack a strong woman in America's knee-jerk misogynistic society and you have no problem, but what about a Black man?

Rush faces a new challenge in the modern age: reviving socially acceptable racism. Limbaugh is a classic example of White Trash at the top of the pile. Listen to Limbaugh negate the Democratic process as "Affirmative Action," asserting that America is afraid to "say 'no' to a Black guy." Listening to Limbaugh it sounds more to me like America is afraid to says "yes" to a Black guy.



(Thanks to Media Matters for the clip).

The Jews Are The Chosen People And Screw Everyone Else.

Israel blocks Gaza students from studying abroad

Hatem Moussa / Associated Press

Palestinian student Hadeel Abu Kawik was supposed to spend next year in the United States on the prestigious Fulbright scholarship program, but now will remain where she is -- trapped in the Gaza Strip by an Israeli blockade.

The U.S. State Department reconsiders withdrawing Fulbright grants to seven Palestinians and asks Israel to let them travel.

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection/la-fg-scholars31-2008may31,0,1451183.story

An Antirevisionist Look At The History of Lower Middle Class Republicans

Dear Lower Middle Class Republicans,

You are getting screwed by Bush and seem to like it - a lot! Go figure. So, enjoy your $5 per gallon gas and short lived unemployment benefits while your kids, sisters, brothers, husbands and wives die in Iraq for nothing. Oh, and good luck with that foreclosure/bankruptcy.

I don’t understand you Republicans: God Bless George Bush? For what? What has the Republican Emperor done for you lately? He calls himself a “Christian,” but doesn’t do what his good book says a Christian should do. So Bush lowered your taxes. Did he lower them enough to pay for gasoline and make your mortgage payment? The cost of barrel of oil has TRIPLED since Bush took control. Has that helped you in some way?

Folks, America has turned nasty and mean. I honestly believe that that meanness is correlated with the “my way or the highway” Righwing takeover of the US Government. Talking heads Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingrham, Sean Hannity, and Bill O’Reilly are the capos keeping Joe Sixpack whipped-up with some rather petty, mean-spirited, and fallacious invective. But what the heck, it’s a living; as entertainers, they have become very wealthy people at the expense of American goodwill.

But the Republican sun is setting now, thank God. And,just like the never workable communist Russian utopia that collapsed under a crushing burden of debt and naked military aggression, the Republican Imperial model is crashing down on a once noble America. Yes buddy, stocks may be up today, but that likely won’t save your job or put much more gas in the car. On top of that, the US is BORROWING money from China to give to Americans to spend. Yes, to spend at Walmart on cheap Chinese imports that take American Jobs.

On a grander scale than ever before in American history, you had your shot, Republicans. And, boy, what a spectacular failure it it was!

Roland Arnall Reported Dead

It was reported today that Sub-prime kingpin and former Ambassador Roland Arnall died at UCLA medical center from a sudden case of cancer. Oddly enough, Ken Lay also "died" as the wheels of justice came a' rolling. Arnall was likely as not under investigatinon by the FBI for violations of the RICO Act. Ameriquest may literally have been "an ongoing criminal enterprise," until it was sold to and sank Citi.

Is Arnall really dead? I'll believe he is when they have an open casket funeral. No one saw Ken lay's corpse. He was reportedly cremated - FAST. I don't believe it, but I've been wrong before.

In either case, Arnall and Lay may be sipping cool tropical drinks on the shores of Bora Bora today, but the Devil will get his due. See you in Hell, boys.

Department of Labor's Phantom Payroll

America's Phony Economy: Fraudulent Jobless Numbers from the Fed Drive Stocks.


The Labor Department reported job growth numbers for November 2007 at about 94,000. In actual fact, 51,000 of the new jobs were hypothetical, or phantom jobs added by the U.S. Department of Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics "CES Birth/Death Model." Have a look at the scam. You can find it on the Bureau of Labor Statistics' website: CES Net Birth/Death Model http://www.bls.gov/web/cesbd.htm.

Here is the gist of it:

"Earlier research indicated that while both the business birth and death portions of total employment are generally significant, the net contribution is relatively small and stable. To account for this net birth/death portion of total employment, BLS is implementing an estimation procedure with two components: the first component uses business deaths to impute employment for business births. This is incorporated into the sample-based link relative estimate procedure by simply not reflecting sample units going out of business, but imputing to them the same trend as the other firms in the sample."

In plain English, job losses due to businesses closing their doors are not counted if other, "similar" business show no net loss of jobs.

In fact, when a business is closed, the BLS may actually report not job losses, but an increase in the number of jobs. BLS reports arbitrary numbers of phantom jobs as if they had actually been created and filled!

Jobs that unequivocally do not exist, never existed, and cannot exist (closed companies do not hire) are falsely reported by BLS as existing or new jobs and reported as "job growth." Even if the "lost" jobs are "created" elsewhere, they are counted again in the original phantom sample in what is clearly a case of statistical "double dipping." Would you put money on those numbers?

So, are the fake job numbers corrected, adjusted, or benchmarked? No, I am afraid not. That would defeat the whole purpose; nonexistant jobs would have to be subtracted. That would never do!

Yes, the CES is a complete fraud that is used to drive up numbers on Wall Street, but don't just take my word for it. Have a look at the CES faq from the official BLS (U.S. Department of Labor Bureau of Labor Statistics) website:


CES Birth/Death Model Frequently Asked Questions (Partial list)
http://www.bls.gov/ces/cesbdqa.htm


Q: Do the birth/death factors vary from first preliminary to final estimate?

A: The birth/death factor for a given month does not change between 1st preliminary, 2nd preliminary, and final estimates. (ed. Why bother with three estimates anyway? The numbers are phony.)


Q: Are birth/death factors seasonally adjusted?

A: No, they are calculated using population data that is not seasonally adjusted and the factors are applied to the sample-based not seasonally adjusted data. Months with generally strong seasonal increases such as April, May and June generally have a relatively large positive factor. Conversely, months with overall strong seasonal decreases, such as January, generally have a relatively large negative factor. (ed. Doesn't this mean that monthly and quarterly job numbers are inaccurate and that job growth has to be measured on an annual basis?)


Q: Can I subtract the birth/death adjustment from the seasonally adjusted over-the-month change to determine what it is adding to employment?

A: No. Birth/death factors are a component of the not seasonally adjusted estimate and therefore are not directly comparable to the seasonally adjusted monthly changes. Instead, the birth/death factor should be assessed in the context of its effect on the not seasonally adjusted estimate. (ed. In essence, BLS is saying "don't even try to figure out the real number.")


Q: Can BLS provide an estimate of the contribution of the birth/death adjustment to the seasonally adjusted monthly payroll change? Can BLS independently seasonally adjust the net birth/death component?

A: There is not an estimate of the seasonally adjusted contribution of the birth/death model. The sample collected on a monthly basis, the imputation of business births using deaths, and the net birth/death model are all necessary components for obtaining an accurate estimate. The components are not seasonally adjusted separately because they do not have particular economic meaning in and of themselves. (ed: This one speaks for itself).


Q: Is birth/death ever benchmarked to actual data, or is just the overall estimate benchmarked?

A: No, the birth/death factors are not independently benchmarked. Although more recent data are available, birth/death factors are not benchmarked or recalculated in the benchmarking of the CES estimates. Only the estimates are benchmarked. (ed: WTF?)

Q: How long has CES been using the birth/death factors and is the history of birth/death available?

A: Implementation of the birth/death factors was associated with the implementation of a new probability-based sample design and estimator. The new methodology was phased in gradually under the following schedule: Beginning in June 2000 (with March 1999 Benchmark), Wholesale Trade on an SIC-basis was under the new methodology; in June 2001 (with the March 2000 Benchmark), Mining, Construction, Manufacturing, and Wholesale Trade, on an SIC-basis, were under the new methodology; in June 2002 (with the March 2001 Benchmark), all of Total Private with the exception of Services were under the new methodology; with the conversion to NAICS in June 2003 (with the March 2002 Benchmark), all of the Total Private industries were produced under the new methodology. (ed: Note the inception date of this massive deception by BLS. It coincides with the installation of the Bush regime. Phony numbers for a phony Presidency).

The bottom line is this: BLS Labor Statistics are PHONY, so how can intelligent financial professionals and FED POLICY be driven by this crap?

(Updated 12/09/2007 12:30am)

Quotes of the Week - The CIA Torture Tapes

"What does the President not know and when did he not know it?"

Gallup: Republicans Report Much Better Mental Health Than Others

The inmates may have taken over the asylum, but they swear that they are the normal ones and everybody else is nuts.

Stalin, Gingus Khan, Hitler, Napoleon, and Pol Pot didn't personally think they were "mentally unhealthy." Neither does George Bush or Dick Cheney for that matter. Clearly they aren't the best judges of their own character.

Perhaps Gallup should survey Alcoholics Anonymous to get a better, more realistic estimate of how many "Truther" Republicans are self-medicating. And just look at fat old Rush Limbaugh with his illicit use of Viagra, er.., Oxycontin.

It's a 12 step process George W.! Start with a baby step and repeat with conviction: "I am a very sick man."

Isn't that Queer?

Shown below are the page view statistics as of Saturday, November 4, 2007 for, and from,"Conservapedia.com", the Conservatives' alternative to that deceitful liberal propaganda machine known as "Wikipedia."

Conservapedia is, in fact, so biblically pure in its philosophical underpinnings that it has a sacred list of "Conservapedia Commandments." On the Commandments page and I quote: "It is appropriate to quote or cite Wikipedia to illustrate the liberal view of an issue." Well, there you have it; no Liberal commie tripe allowed except as a straw man to pummel.

So, now that we have established beyond a liberal doubt that Conservapedia reflects the core thought and value system of the Conservative Movement, let's look at what makes the "Conservative Mind" tick. Indeed, what drives those stalwarts of Godly virtue and self-appointed enforcers of moral behavior?

Most viewed pages

1. Main Page‎ [1,937,804]
2. Homosexuality‎ [1,625,968]
3. Homosexuality and Hepatitis‎ [518,205]
4. Homosexuality and Parasites‎ [434,605]
5. Homosexuality and Promiscuity‎ [422,299]
6. Gay Bowel Syndrome‎ [402,612]
7. Homosexual Couples‎ [374,194]
8. Homosexuality and Gonorrhea‎ [332,150]
9. Homosexuality and Anal Cancer‎ [294,552]
10. Homosexuality and Mental Health‎ [293,868]

(See if for yourself: http://www.conservapedia.com/Special:Statistics)

So, nine out of the top ten things on the Conservative Mind are HOMOSEXUALITY! The first thing on the Top 10 list is how to find out more about HOMOSEXUALITY! That seems rather QUEER, doesn't it? I would go so far as to say Queer in thought if not Queer indeed.

I am not a shrink, but if I were, I would say that all that mean, angry, vicious, invective and anti-female authority figure Conservative behavior stems from self-loathing and repressed feelings of HOMOSEXUALITY! Which is not to say that being a homosexual is anything to hate yourself for.

Come on Conservatives, let's talk about your feelings! Let it out! I encourage you to tap your feet, take a "wide stance" and take it like the men that you dream of - and dream of being.

Don't hate the world. You can wear long flowing robes in public, just like those men in the Arab world! Leave that bathroom sex and Congressional Page mongering behind and head down to Miami! Matt Drudge LOVES Miami and you will too!

XOXOXO

PS. Don't shoot the messenger! Conservapedia is YOURS! It shows YOUR behavior and mirrors YOUR needs!


If you're REALLY offended by this piece, I suggest that you visit a competent mental health professional, the Conservapedia Homosexuality section, or just head straight for the nearest gay bar. For angry denials, hateful, vengeful verbal attacks, death threats, and the standard pansy Conservative whining, please use the link to the comments section, below. And remember: I am not laughing at you - I am laughing about you!

Quotes of the Week - The Bush Monologues

"Winning the Presidency is not a popularity contest."
George W. Bush

"Winning the Presidency is no longer a popularity contest."
The US Supreme Court

"Being hated is what leadership is all about."
George W. Bush

"On the can. Why?"
George W. Bush on where he does most of his reading

"Stupid is as stupid does."
Forest Gump describing George W. Bush

"Liar."
George W. Bush describing Bill Clinton

"A man of his word."
George W. Bush describing Pakistani dictator Purves Musharif

"Liar."
God describing George W. Bush

"I love the smell of sulfur!"
George W. Bush remarking on his first day in the afterlife.

GOP Kingpin Roger Ailes' Fox News Runs Subliminal Attack Ad on Hillary Clinton

The Trash Man cometh! Yes, Capitan Evil, aka Roger Ailes is back and boy, are his hands dirty!

Remember FOX substituting file footage of a Black man, Representative John Conyers, Jr. D-MI., for the other Black man Congressman, William Jefferson, D-La., who was indicted on Bribery Charges? Oops! Well, I guess all Democrats look alike to Roger Ailes and FOX News.

In world of deceit, dirty tricks and outright fraud that is FOX News, a not so surprising subliminal political attack ad appeared on FOX & Friends at 4:02 pm on November 19 or 20, 2007. Here it is:

I am sure that FOX News True Believers were amused. Of course, they find Rush Limbaugh's "jokes" funny. Those are jokes he's telling, aren't they?

Bullshit aside, Fox News' actions constitute de facto unprofessional and possibly illegal conduct, in violation of FCC licensing regulations. The FCC and FEC, both run by a majority of Republican appointees, are tacitly complicit, overtly partisan, and wholly irresponsible for standing by another Swiftboat episode.

South Carolina White Trash McCain Ho Calls Hillary "The Bitch"

Civility is a thing of the past for Republican Americans, or the "Supreme Race" as white Born Again's euphemistically refer to themselves.

John McCain, one of a knot of Republican "Der Führer" hopefuls, fails to admonish an overzealous hag who refers to the presumptive Democratic Presidential candidate, Former First Lady, Sen. Hillary Clinton, as "The Bitch." Johnny finds the cracker's remark amusing.

Was this just another endearing South Carolina "cozyism," like Imus and the "nappy headed hos'?" or was it proof that low class white trash is the real GOP base?

Speaking of Bitches, did you see Roberta McCain -John's 95 year old mother, disparage Mormons collectively, on Hardball? It's a good thing Chris Matthews didn't ask about Barak Obama! It could very well have been another "Imus moment."

Hillary Desecrates The American Flag?

Here is video clip from ABC News Entitled “Flags fall around Hilary Clinton in Waterloo, Iowa, Nov. 11, 2007.



It is very embarrassing. It looks bad. In fact, the flag flap has been like called an “omen” by many who believe in the occult. Those individuals also see the incident as much more sinister than anything George W. Bush has done as acting President of The United States of America.

Yes, the woman who actually, physically knocked over those flags is very embarrassed and it wasn't Hillary who did it.

To demystify the episode, pay close attention to the video. A woman who appears to be confused or disoriented steps into the draped flag and then bumps/tugs the flag. She wanders away and the flag falls! The woman then stands by as if totally stunned and detached from the circus act she has just performed. Clearly an evil omen and sign from the one true Christian God that Hillary is bad, bad, bad? I don’t thinks so. In the fashion of true American leaders, Hillary can be heard saying “Get our flags back up there guys!”

In fact the title of the ABC News clip is misleading if not a lie: “Flags fall around Hilary Clinton in Waterloo..." The flags were toppled behind her.

Now let’s have a look, have GOOD LONG LOOK at the real face of war, at a picture of a grinning idiot; that miserable excuse for a Chief Executive that is called George Bush. Here he gives an extra special Tee-shirt to a US Soldier who was horribly disfigured for a war waged at the pleasure of the President: Bush’s War. Why is Bush grinning? He never saw combat, just its aftermath. Why does he seem so delighted? What a guy.

President Bush looks at a t-shirt with Lance Cpl. Isaac Gallegos, left, during the President's visit to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. On the right is Captain Revi Venkataramani. Thursday, Nov. 8, 2007

The Man downstairs is smiling up and saying "See ya in Hell, George!"

Congress Proposes Currency Bearing Bush Likeness

Legislation was introduced in the Senate today to produce paper currency bearing the likeness of President George W. Bush. The new bills, called "Brownbacks," would be printed exclusively on paper produced from recycled US $1 bills and issued in super-absorbent two ply rolls.

Republican strategist Cheri Jacobus Drops the "F" Bomb On Hillary

Stooping as low as she can without strangling herself with her own pantyhose, real woman Cheri Jacobus, Republican strategist and former RNC spokesperson drops the "F" Bomb on Hillary.

Watch this exchange with Norah O'Donnell, et al., from MSNBC.

The F-Bomb Video:

There! You heard it straight from the horse's (and I'm being kind) mouth! Cheri Jacobus called Hillary Clinton "Fishwifey!" Either Cheri thinks Hillary sells fish, or she was calling the former First Lady and leading Democratic Candidate for President "a vulgar abusive woman," if Webster's is to be believed. Not even an unmitigated prick like Orrin Hatch has ever called Hillary 'vulgar and abusive.'

Aside from the fact that referring to someone as "Fishwifey" sounds stupid, is that the best the Republicans can do as far as hit-jobs go? Well Republicans, here is a taste of your own medicine: George Bush sounds "Fishmongery!" There, I said it.

FOX News Mole Helps bin Laden's Al-Qaeda Network

Leak Severed a Link to Al-Qaeda's Secrets
Private Spy Firm Says Administration's Handling of Video Ruined Its Spying Efforts

FOX News has the inside track on all things Bush, including the so-called "War on Terror." Bush Administration insiders, ever eager to help FOX News help the Bush Administration, destroyed a super-secret counter-terrorist investigation by leaking an "unreleased" Osama bin Ladin video. The video had been discovered on a secure Al-Qaeda website/message board that had been hacked by Israeli's. Shame on you Fox News. Do you have to destroy America to save it?

Read the entire story here.

Quote of the Week

I am introducing a new feature to Pepper Monkey Press: "Quote of the Week".

Enjoy!

"Chris Wallace is a twat."

From Rupert Murdoch's The Times of London: "Israelis seized nuclear material in Syrian raid"

By Doug Markell

The following excerpt from The Times Online may be true, but the "facts" are highly suspect because of the nature of the ultimate objectives of the parties involved: The US, Israel, and Rupert Murdoch.

From The Sunday Times

September 23, 2007

"Israelis Seized Nuclear Material in Syrian Raid"

Uzi Mahnaimi and Sarah Baxter

"Israeli commandos seized nuclear material of North Korean origin during a daring raid on a secret military site in Syria before Israel bombed it this month, according to informed sources in Washington and Jerusalem.

The attack was launched with American approval on September 6 after Washington was shown evidence the material was nuclear related, the well-placed sources say.

They confirmed that samples taken from Syria for testing had been identified as North Korean. This raised fears that Syria might have joined North Korea and Iran in seeking to acquire nuclear weapons."

Having said that...

Not to put to fine a point on it: This smells like more BUSH/Israeli/FOX News/Times UK/Murdoch Bull Shit. In fact, it sounds a lot like the "non-existent Iraqi Nuclear weapons" scandal concocted by the Bush Administration . Israeli commandos made it across Syria and brought back NUCLEAR MATERIAL??? Israel has nukes; maybe it's really from their personal stash.

This is a grudge-match - Israel wants Syria and Iran taken out at any cost TO THE UNITED STATES. Joe Lieberman is pushing hard for more proxy war action as the Israeli point man/Agent in the US Senate and Bill Kristol is the Israeli neo-con press "Standard Bearer" for "artificial dissemination." FOX News/TIMES UK/Rupert Murdoch provide whatever editorial support is deemed necessary to make the hate propaganda more "understandable" to the intellectually less gifted, then FOX News/Times UK carry the twisted illogic directly into the hearts and minds of a willingly brainwashed audience.

Make no mistake: The and Syrians and Iranians are not good guys by any measure; however, based on "collateral kills," Bush and the Israelis are just as bad.

Fact: If the USA put it's own welfare ahead of Israel's, the world would be a much safer place. You may not like Arabs or Persians (Iranians), but it's their planet too. You can't piss in their faces and then expect them to be cooperative about securing the expansion of Israel's borders or keeping the cost of oil down. Does anyone else see a pattern of unfavorable US policy toward the Arab states and unqualified support for Israeli militancy?

The fact is that 9/11 may never have happened if the USA practiced what it preached and dealt even handedly with the Arabs and Israelis. Clearly and emphatically, what's good for Israel is not necessarily good for the good old US of A.

Israel is a militant nation, born, raised, and fed on conflict. Peace is anathema to the tiny ruling cadre of Israel. Without an external foe to focus hate upon, the Israelis would turn inward. The conflict between the ultra orthodox and reformed Jews would tear the country apart. For Israel there must always to be a "boogy man" to scare the kids home and a "monster under the bed" to keep them under the covers. Did I mention the $27 million dollars a day that Israel gets from the US in "defense" aid that would be lost in the event of peace?

For reasons that escape 99% of the civilized world and nearly half of the US population, Republicans/conservatives/neo-cons seem to love the thought of a global war.

That kind of thinking used to be called "mental illness," not "Patriotism."

There is nothing good about war, and it should be fought only to protect and defend the innocent. It is a despicable abuse to launch a war of aggression then blame the other side when it when it defends itself.

Israel was attacked in 1967. It won. Now it has become an aggressor. This brings us to the point:

Securing illegally expanded boarders, trying to boost poll numbers, spreading religion, and stealing natural resources (oil) are not moral justifications for mass murder.

Israel Pulls Out All The Stops On Propaganda Campaign For Wider War In Middle East

The Israeli war machine is using "circular intelligence reporting" to meld George W. Bush's triumvirate "Axis of Evil" into a unified nuclear threat.

(See updates at end of story for US neo-con follow through).

Israel has BIG ambitions. Starting a US war against Syria and Iran are high on the list, and the US State Department is helping as best it can to make that a reality - so is the International Harold Tribune. (See phony lead-in for the story from the IHT in update 2). IHT is one of billionaire propagandist Rupert Murdoch, whose stable of whores includes FOX NEWS.

Below is an excerpt and link to an Israeli publication, cited by THE DRUDGE REPORT, citing a "Washington official," who in turn is citing Israeli intelligence claims about Syrian nukes. See the nice round circle?

If DRUDGE reports that an Israeli publication cites an anonymous "Washington official" who cites unsubstantiated claims by Israeli intelligence, then America's lunatic fringe - the neo-cons, consider it vetted, verified and irrefutable.


Here it is:

From www.ynetnews.com

Report: Israel spots nuclear installations in Syria

"Washington official says Israeli surveillance shows possible Syrian nuclear installation stocked by North Korea, Israeli Arab newspaper claims target of alleged raid last week was Syrian missile base financed by Iran"


This is the same "dog chasing its own tail" trick that the Bush Administration used in the phony Iraq-Niger Uranium claim, as well as the "irrefutable proof" claim of the persistence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

The dog show plays out like this, you can plug-in "Israeli intelligence" in place of "The Bush Administration" and "Syria" in place of "Iraq" and see same type of self-vetting propaganda campaign:

The Bush Administration fabricated evidence of an Iraq-Niger Uranium deal as well as Iraqi "mobile chemical weapons labs," nuclear development sites, etc., then distributed that evidence to US allies. Bush's CIA lackey George Tenet then reported back to Bush that foreign intelligence services (who had actually been fed fabricated "intelligence" by the US and were simply regurgitating same) had independent "intelligence" that fully supported US claims of nuclear and chemical stockpiles in Iraq. It was all Bull Shit.

Now back to Israel. Does Syria have nukes? I don't know. Does Israel know? No, it does not. Does Israel have nukes? By it's own admission, the answer is "yes" and they have threatened to use them. An Israeli nuclear strike against it's neighbors is a terrifying prospect. Israel can have nukes for "self-defense" but no one else in the region can? The US is playing both sides of the nuclear fence with India and Pakistan to keep a level playing field. It should do the same in the Middle East.


Israel came to pass because of war, has always lived with war, and unfortunately can't seem to live without war. Israel hates the Arab World, and particularly Syria. Iranians are not Arabs, but Israel hates them too. We are all well aware that the hatred is mutual, but curiously, Israel seems to revel in its predicament.

Now, Israel wants a wider war and has an unbelievably influential network of operatives both inside and outside the US Government who are pushing hard for a US led regional conflagration to clear the way for a really big Israel, as Benjamin "BeBe" Netanyahu refers to it. In fact, virtually the entire senior staff at the Pentagon under Rumsfeld were US-Israeli dual nationals. Joe Lieberman, another example of Israel's influence, is a US Congressmen whose entire career is now focused on attacking Syria and Iran on behalf of, you guessed it, Israel.

Where does the loyalty of the militant US neo-con minority lie: with the United States of America or there adopted homeland of Israel? And, to what lengths will the nuclear Israel go in its campaign for a wider war in the Middle East? God only knows.


UPDATE 1:

From The New York Times

U.S. Official Says Syria May Have Nuclear Ties

Published: September 15, 2007

A top U.S. non-proliferation official said that North Korea may be aiding Syria in a covert nuclear program.

See what I mean?


UPDATE 2:

From The World Tribune

U.S. confirms Syria-N. Korea nuke link

Published: September 17, 2007 and linked to DRUDGE REPORT

WASHINGTON — The United States has determined that Syria has been seeking nuclear weapons from North Korea.

"We do know that there are a number of foreign technicians that have been in Syria," Acting Deputy Assistant Secretary of State Andrew Semmel said. "We do know that there may (bold italic by me) have been contact between Syria and some secret suppliers for nuclear equipment. Whether anything transpired remains to be seen." (bold italic by me again).

Now reread the title of the article!


UPDATE 3:

From The Jerusalem Post

US spreading false nuclear allegations

Published: September 18, 2007 and linked to DRUDGE REPORT

Democrats Build An Edsel: Pelosi and Reid Are Bent On Failure

America Did Not Elect Democratic Majorities to Congress to Kiss Bush's Ass.

By Doug Markell

What the Republicans lack in common sense, the Congressional Democratic leadership makes up for in cowardice, bad timing and imprudent decision making.

Democratic Speaker of The House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, has just taken a decision not to issue contempt citations against White House chief of staff Joshua Bolten and former White House counsel Harriet Miers. Bush has your undying gratitude and thanks you for the huge laugh that the entire Republican establishment is having at your expense Speaker Pelosi!

Pelosi and Reid are just begging to lose their jobs and both should be accommodated at the earliest possible juncture. To that end, I call on Democratic Speaker of The House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi and Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to resign effective immediately.

The Republicans' lack any fear of failure. And, that would be to their credit if it wasn't used as a substitute for rational thought. The Democrats, on the other hand, are paralyzed by fear of failure. Big talk, big hearings, and hollow threats have left the Democrats with a flaccid cudgel that just invites taunting.

Caving in to Bush on Iraq, generously ignoring perjury, and molly coddling Executive Branch cronies who draw contempt citations really pisses me off!

The Democrats were elected to majorities in both Houses of Congress to ACT!

SHOW SOME BACKBONE FOR GOD'S SAKE!

America deserves the failed government it has if its people take this Democratic betrayal lying down.


"People get exactly the kind of government that they deserve."

Are You A Natural Born Republican?

How Much of a Republican Are You?

Take this simple quiz and find out!

Choose one answer from each of the following multiple choice questions.

1) Intellectually speaking, George W. Bush is…

a. Brilliant.

b. A potato.

c. As bright as a small appliance light bulb.

d. The terms "Bush" and "Intellectual" are mutually exclusive terms.

e. All of the above – except “a.”

2) As a decision maker, George W. Bush is…

a. The most prescient and sound decision maker of the century

b. Like a spoiled brat who has to get his or he'll "accidentally" kill your parakeet.

c. Remember that “Custer” guy?

d. A bigger waffler than the International House of Pancakes

e. 99.999% dead wrong

3) President Bush views his record low poll numbers as proof that he is demonstrating strong and independent leadership. Which answer below best describes your reaction to Bush’s “negative is positive” job assessment?

a. He’s right on the money! Being right means being unpopular.

b. What a Boob!

c. I guess that means Hitler was an extra-good leader, historically speaking.

d. So if I had a bad day at work, everybody hated me and I got fired that means I'm a natural born leader?

e. What the F@ck?

4) President Bush claims to be a man of great Christian faith. In your opinion, which of the following best describes Mr. Bush’s life as an example of the teachings of his god?

a. He is just about as close to Jesus as a mortal man can be!

b. If you’re referring to Judas, he hit the nail right on the head.

c. He should go over that Ten Commandment thing again.

d. He swore on the Bible to “uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States,” then later said the Constitution was “just a god damned piece of paper.” Apparently neither document is sacred to him.

e. The Anti-Christ.

5) Mr. Bush has referred to himself in the past as a “unificator, not a divider.” Why do you think Russia, China, the Arab World, France, Germany, Australia, and most other peoples of the world hate Bush and disdain his Napoleonic Conquistadorial view?

a. Because You Liberals are a bunch of PUSSIES!

b. Because Bush is obviously delusional and dangerous.

c. Because Bush is obviously delusional and dangerous.

d. Because Bush is obviously delusional and dangerous.

e. Because Bush is obviously delusional and dangerous.

6) Why do you believe that Republicans are a lowly pack of sex scandal ridden, pious, angry, selfish, control freaks?

a. Because god made us that way and He love's us more than you LIBERAL PUSSIES!

b. Because it’s true.

c. Because it’s really true.

d. Because it’s really, really true.

e. I’m going with b. through d.

7) Rumor has it that George Bush has a tattoo on his scrotum. According to legend, what does that tattoo say?

a. God Bless America!

b. C-O-N-D-O-L-E-E-Z-Z-A

c. Dick’s Not Here

d. The Deciders

e. VACANT

8) George W. Bush's favorite hobby is

a. Cycling

b. Trying to pronounce two syllable words

c. Destroying at that is good in the world

d. Farting

e. Savoring "d." above

9) Which of the following movies is actually based on the private life of George W. Bush?

a. RoboCop

b. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

c. The Man Who Would Be King

d. The Bad Seed

e. Apocalypse Now

10) The ideal Republican Presidential candidate…

a. Is Jeb Bush!

b. Is any tough talking “B” actor who uses Grecian Formula.

c. Hasn’t been caught up in drugs, money laundering, or prostitution and therefore doesn’t exist.

d. Says ‘God has called upon him.’

e. Is someone willing to destroy the very foundations of American Democracy at any cost.

Answer Key: If you answered “a.” to any of the above, You Are A Natural Born Republican!

Why Do The Israelis Prohibit US Military Bases Within Israel?

Israel wants the power of US Military Forces all over the Middle East, but not based in Israel. Why?

By Doug Markell

US allies such as Japan, Germany, Italy, Turkey, and many more support a permanent US presence, but not Israel. There are massive and permanent US Military installations in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, United Arab Emirates, and other hostile Middle East localities where the very presence of the US military is a catalyst for violence. Why isn’t the American Middle East Protectorate Force welcomed by the only “real” ally of the US in the Middle East, Israel?

From a security standpoint it just makes sense to base US Forces within Israel where US Forces could invincibly defend the borders of that sovereign nation state. Israel is a legitimate nation with legitimate borders as defined in 1947 by United Nations General Assembly Resolution 181, and restated in UN Resolution 242. All countries are obligated to recognize and respect those borders. So again, why doesn’t Israel invite or even permit America to help secure and defend the country from within Israel’s borders? Israel should welcome the US Military with open arms, yet the Jewish state refuses to sanction a permanent US military presence. Why? I am afraid that the answer will certainly evoke the standard knee-jerk cry of “anti-Semitism.” It has been said that “A drowning man will grasp at straws”, and so it is with Israel: Anyone who criticizes Israel is attacked as an evil minded Jew-hater, a Holocaust denier, or worse.

Simply stated, Israel needs more Arab land for its growing population, and more money from the USA to develop and defend that land. US military aid to Israel is currently running about $10 billion per year; that’s over $27 million PER DAY! How much health care would that money buy Americans? Israel uses that military aid to turn a tidy profit dealing in death, manufacturing and selling murder weapons including guns, missiles, aircraft and explosives, to anyone who has the cash.

Notwithstanding the fact that the Bush Administration has destroyed even the illusion that the USA is a fair arbiter in the Middle East, US forces cannot militarily defend the illegally expanded borders of “The Big New Israel” without starting another world war. And too, Israel would be hard pressed to illegally annex still more Arab land while under the nose and protection of US Forces overseeing a secure Israel. The long standing US policy of permitting and protecting Israeli expansionism has already subjected the USA to vicious attacks by evermore disaffected Arabs and their sympathizers while turning the last of America’s allies against her. Unfortunately, the USA is being an irresponsible parent acting as enabler to the spoiled brat child Israel.

In encouraging the USA to attack not only Iraq, but Syria and Iran, and virtually every other one of its neighbor states, the Israelis, USA Evangelicals and Israeli-American dual nationals in the Bush Administration and Congress (eg., Joe Lieberman) have repeatedly used the argument that “What’s good for Israel is good for America!” I strongly disagree with that philosophy on factual grounds.

Invading Arab countries and abusing Arabs using Israeli interrogation techniques such as those practiced at Abu Grabh and Guantanamo is not “good for America,” nor is it not good for Israel. Using the Israeli playbook to “teach the Arabs a lesson”, as it were, has created worldwide contempt for America’s lawless adventurism. The Bush Doctrine has created and inspired a veritable legion of would-be terrorists eager to avenge the indignity that America’s Wild West President Bush has visited upon the world outside the borders of the US, and especially within the boundaries of the Arab world.

Call me unpatriotic for restating the facts if you wish, but George Bush has stated repeatedly that Muslim Extremists “hate freedom,” and that is why they attacked the US on 9/11. Make no mistake: the Taliban are evil, Al Qaeda is evil and bin Laden is the spawn of the devil, but their repeatedly stated reason for the attack on 9/11 was because of US support, real or imagined, for the Israeli abuse of the Palestinians. Never has the enemy said that the USA is hated because it is a “free country.” I am not representing this as my view; these are the facts. And what of the actual terrorist menace who masterminded the attack on the USA on 9/11, Osama bin Laden? Where is the Osama bin Laden whom Bush said ‘did not worry him greatly”? Osama bin Laden runs free to this very day while the USA struggles with a misguided military adventure in Iraq that has embittered patriotic Americans lied into a war of aggression to prop up a stolen presidency.

Yes, there are indeed true enemies of freedom itself, but Bush’s “enemies of freedom” line is just public relations jingoism concocted by Condoleezza Rice and Karl Rove to whip up Patriotic Americans for phony wars of aggression against Iraq, Iran, Syria, and who knows who else.

So why won’t Israel permit the USA to base forces within the legitimate borders of the state? Because a permanent USA presence there would mean real and lasting peace for Israel within secure borders and Israel cannot survive at peace. Social turmoil and internal division are rife in the Jewish state. Without an external devil, a common enemy, a boogeyman, Israel would tear itself apart from within. Tony Blair’s peace making efforts will fail and Condi Rice’s halfhearted attempts were doubly doomed by her incompetence. Rest assured, there is only one thing that can be always expected of Israel: the rejection of peace at all costs.

Update: - Israeli AIR Force jets drop fuel tanks and munitions after entering Syrian airspace and drawing anti-aircraft fire. Israeli Defense officials said that Israel is "fully prepared" for the possibility of a conflict. Israeli source tells Al Arabiya jets were on mission to destroy Russian SAM batteries deployed on Syrian coast. See The Jerusalem Post - September 6, 2007

Bush’s 1st Step in the Mortgage Crisis Should Be to Fire US Ambassador and Sub-Prime King Roland Arnall.

Mr. Bush, Do the right thing by example: Fire Roland Arnall

By Doug Markell

America is in crisis. A generous handful of less than scrupulous sub-prime lenders have brought the largest economy on earth to the brink of financial collapse. Curiously absent from Bush’s circle of Sub-prime Mortgage Crises advisers is Subprime King Rolland Arnall.

One of the first to exploit the sub-prime market was top Bush donor and now US Ambassador to the Netherlands, Roland Arnall, owner of Ameriquest and Argent Mortgage. Arnall was a pioneer in the now defunct mortgage backed securities game. Arnall and his wife, Ameriquest Chairman Dawn Arnall, contributed a combined total of over $12 million to Bush’s presidential campaign and subsequent inaugural – mere chump change for billionaire Arnall, but multiple fortunes to those who lost their homes to Arnall’s coldly efficient sub-prime mortgage machine. Ironically, Ameriquest's internal slogan was "Do The Right Thing", even if the owner didn't.

Just Google “Ameriquest” and you’ll find an abundance of negative comments and horror stories about the Arnall empire and how Arnall has made his fortune on the backs of disadvantaged Blacks, the elderly, and the under educated. Known as a “hands on manager” and notorious brow beater, Arnall pleaded ignorance of the issues plaguing his company and blamed the company’s wayward modus operandi on a handful of rogue low level employees. The SEC and the Attorney’s General of 49 states saw it differently.

Arnall’s confirmation to the coveted post of Ambassador to the Netherlands was approved by the US Senate only after Republican Richard Lugar used an illegal parliamentary maneuver to override Democratic opposition that would have tabled the nomination, effectively denying the Ambassadorship to Roland “Sub-prime” Arnall. Lugar’s unethical behavior was a stall tactic to buy time for Arnall and his nephew/right hand man/personal attorney/Ameriquest Vice-Chairman Adam Bass, to negotiate a $325 million settlement with the Attorney’s General of 49 states – without admitting guilt. The punishment of $325 million amounted to a few hundred dollars compensation for each of Ameriquest’s victims.

At $337 million, Arnall has the dubious distinction of having bought the most expensive Ambassadorship in US, and perhaps world history, using money that was arguably ill-gotten; arguable, that is, unless you are to believe the allegations in the collective 49 state settlement. Now that the sub-prime world is dying and his empire along with it, Arnall is looking for help – and apparently getting it.

Faced with a deadly credit crunch, Arnall’s company needed money to continue in the business of making loans. Arnall, who “formally” stepped down as Ameriquest Chairman to accept the Netherlands Ambassadorship, had his nephew Adam Bass, call in a favor from former US Justice Department official, $325K per year Arnall employee, and now Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick. Governor Patrick personally telephoned former US Treasury Secretary Robert E. Rubin, who is now a Director and Chairman of the Executive Committee of Citibank parent company, Citigroup Inc., where he, Rubin, participates in the strategic, managerial and operational matters of the Company. At the behest of Arnall’s nephew, Bass, Governor Patrick claims to have vouched to Rubin only for Roland Arnall’s “good character” to help in securing funding from Citibank. Massachusetts does hundreds of millions of dollars worth of business with Citibank, much of it at the discretion of the Governor.

Arnall has spread money across the United States and across the political spectrum. His business may be in ruins, but expect the unexpected from the Sub-prime King Roland Arnall.

UPDATE: September 1, 2007 Ameriquest/Argent aka ACC Holdings is sold to Citibank.

Also see:

Bush unveils mortgage crisis first steps - http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0807/5581.html

Bush offers help to troubled homeowners - http://money.cnn.com/2007/08/31/real_estate/Bush_tackles_subprime/index.htm?eref=rss_topstories

Bush, Bernake launch subprime assult- http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN3127047720070831?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews

Fox News' John Gibson Warns Al Qaeda To Attack Before Hillary Is Elected

Is FOX News' John Gibson Al Qaeda's "Tokyo Rose"?

By Doug Markell

Fox News' John Gibson's "interpretation" of Clinton comment: "Hillary makes a deal with Al Qaeda"

Summary: Fox News' John Gibson stated that it "appears" a comment Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton made at an August 23 campaign event about the potential consequences of another terrorist attack "was sending this signal, as they say, to Al Qaeda, that it would, it would not be smart to attack the United States of America before the election." Gibson went on to assert that "Hillary makes a deal with Al Qaeda."
From Media Matters for America Mon, Aug 27, 2007 6:33pm ET

From the horse's mouth: http://mediamatters.org/static/audio/gibson-20070824-hrc.mp3


My two cents:

What do bin Ladin, Al Qaeda, and FOX News have in common? They all love the Bush Administration to pieces, that’s what.

With the wholesale support of FOX News, Bush continues playing directly into Al Qaeda's hands. bin Ladin's stated goal was to destroy America through economic means. That's why he attacked the World Trade Center, the symbol of America's economic dominance.

Like the proverbial moth to the flame, Bush has been obsessive compulsive in bankrupting the US Treasury prosecuting a side war against a shadowy and unknowable enemy, “The Terrorists.” On this count, even the evil genius bin Ladin “misunderestimated’ Bush. The ill conceived and fore-doomed invasion of Iraq was even better than anything bin Ladin could have ever imagined.

Through deceit and an unprovoked war of aggression in the powder keg of the Middle East, of all places, Bush has generated the most effective recruiting tool Al Qaeda could ever possibly have; all the while making an utter mockery of America's status as a just and peaceful nation; again, just as bin Ladin had wanted.

FOX's John Gibson, for his part, is clearly and dutifully fulfilling his mandate as a well compensated neocon shill, sending a none-to-cryptic message to Al Qaeda to attack before the US Presidential election if it, Al Qaeda, wants the US to continue on its present course: training and equipping thousands of potential Al Qaeda recruits on the bloody battle field of an occupied Iraq.

It is the quintessential irony: America's present course to self-destruction was charted by Osama bin Ladin and that very is course being fearlessly captained by none other than the President of the United States of America, George Bush himself.

Would George Bush have Killed Moses?

By Doug Markell

Did you know that Moses, yes that Moses – Moses the Hebrew, ordered mass murder and lots of it? He nonetheless continued to lead the Jewish people, and is revered to this day as a savior. Does Moses’ mercilessness qualify him as a “tyrant”? According to Webster’s it does. The US invaded Iraq, ostensibly, to rid it of a “tyrant” who slaughtered his own people, Iraqi Kurds, as punishment for a revolt instigated and but abandoned by then President, George H. W. Bush. Moses ordered fratricide. Would George W. Bush have called for the blood of Moses the fratricidal tyrant? Let’s be clear: Sadam Hussein was no Moses and George Bush is no God. But don’t go telling George W. about God! He’s the expert; just ask him.

Not content to merely be the self-appointed modern day emissary of God, George Bush is convinced that he himself is God. GodBush’s well documented actions demonstrate that he thinks he can actually create reality by repeating lies hundreds of times over. Case in point: Sadam’s weapons of mass destruction were gone, but Bush, using doctored reports and his own nonexistent intelligence, tried to create a reality where those weapons still existed. FOX News and the New York Times, a la Judith Miller, filled the world’s collective mind with visions of biochemical sugarplum fairies ready to launch death to America using nuclear-capable aluminum tubes. But Sadam was telling the truth: the weapons had all been destroyed after Gulf War I, as had been verified by exhaustive internationally sponsored inspections; just ask Hans Blix, the Chief UN Weapons Inspector whom Bush wanted fired for reporting that Iraq had no chemical or nuclear arsenals. Holly Moses! It looks like Iraq was occupied under false pretenses. To paraphrase Bob Dole, “You know it. I Know it. The whole world knows it!”

It’s often been said that “nobody wants war.” The truth is that the neocons and Rightwing extremist evangelicals are not just Iraq war supporters, they are beating the drums in support of the US invasion all countries in the Middle East not named “Israel”. The self-appointed “Warriors of America for God” are, by-and-large, a bunch of neocon draft dodgers; angry, high-wage, ‘never been in the military’ tough talkers, like William Crystal, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, John Bolton, Condo Rice, Tony Snow, Ari Fleisher, Joe Lieberman, Kenneth Adelman, Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, and DICK CHENEY, to name just a very few. Turn on the TV and you can watch US neocons and Israeli government representatives in the air-conditioned studios of FOX News trying to spin support for a wider war in the Middle East while real Americans fight the ground war in 110 plus degree Iraqi desert heat.

Sadly, the neocons and the Religious Right love money and the sweet, sweet sound of their own voices more than they love America. They make millions of dollars shilling self-righteous trash talk on radio and television shows disparaging everything from universal health care and the environment, to un-American hair styles like that sported by “the French-looking Kerry” that Rush Limbaugh loved to hate.

It’s a fact: the neocon mantra of “protecting America” is just a euphemism for pissing in the world’s face and calling it “Leadership.” The Republicans have always advocated the same cheap shot approach to national unity by vilifying straw men, just like Hitler did. Remember the threat to the Free World called “Granada?” How about the evil empire of Panama? The Republicans even call themselves “The War Party”. The really pathetic part is that America didn’t need Sadam the Iraqi straw man to go after. America still has Satan’s little helper, Osama bin Laden who sauntered into Pakistan after 9/11 and laughs his ass off every day knowing that the Bush Administrations blows billion of dollars a daily on the Iraqi quagmire and now spies on it’s own people. One day it’s Iraq, the next it’s Syria, then it’s Iran, but not bin Laden. Watch out Canada! We’ve got our eye on you!

In fact, just to remind you of how ass backwards Bush’s phony “War on Terrorism” is, Bush, in answering reporters’ question about the pursuit of bin Laden, said on Tuesday Jan. 22, 2002 in West Virginia that he, Bush, “is not worried about finding Osama bin Laden...” And, “I want to assure you the objective is not bin Laden.” Wow! 9/11 did “change everything”. Like for example, the traditional “who you blame should be who actually did it,” is out the window. The old neocon saw that the US is fighting Al-Qaeda in Iraq is a sham – a flatly debunked myth. Al-Qaeda didn’t exist in Iraq before the Bush quagmire. Only a long discredited report still desperately clung to by Dick Cheney has ever been cited as evidence for the presence, pre-invasion, of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. In fact, even now Al-Qaeda represents only a small fraction of the fighters in Iraq, so say Generals Abizaid and Petraeus. Who are you going to believe, Tony Snow, Dick Cheney and George Bush, or the Generals in the fray? Incidentally, the US Military’s Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Peter Pace, is being fired for kissing too much Presidential ass. An overly exuberant “yes man” so blatant that he’s not considered a credible military representative any longer. The Pace dilemma crystallized when, Pace, in public statements, said that ‘George Bush was doing God’s work.’ In other words, Pace referred to Bush as being an instrument of divine intervention. Is it just me, or is this religious zealot stuff away out of line for the top General in the supposed to be secular US Armed Forces? What if God tells Bush to declare marshal law and declare himself supreme ruler for life? My guess is that Pace would enforce the doctrine.

So, just how many bad guys from George Bush’s “Axis of Evil” were on those American Airlines planes that were flown in to the World Trade Center, anyway? How many Iraqis? How many Iranians? How many Syrians? “None” is the answer to all of the preceding. There were 15 Saudis, 1 Egyptian, 1 Lebanese, 2 from United Arab Emirates, and none from the nations on Joe Lieberman’s Israeli hit list. And while we’re on the subject, who among you can legitimately, not using phony Dick Cheney hearsay intelligence channeled from Israel’s Mosad, but legitimately name a single act of terrorism or military aggression carried out against Americans by the sinister “terrorist states” of Iran, Syria, or Iraq? Iran’s Quds and Revolutionary Guard are in Iraq, you say? The Bush Administration says so emphatically. However, the US is yet to produce a single Iranian solder killed or captured in Iraq.

The bottom lie is this: Wars of aggression are illegal and immoral. They amount to cold-blooded murder; ipso facto, George W. Bush is a cold-blooded murder. The moral way to unite people is through shared prosperity. If George Bush and the Republican Right had actually read the Bible, they would know that. But, alas, the phony Christian Republicans call world peace “pussy talk.” Well, the neocon Republicans had the world at their doorstep after 9/11 and they fucked it up about as badly as humanly possible, now let the Democrats try to regain at least some of America’s former moral stature, dignity, strength and stability. And remember, true patriots honor the US Constitution and respect the rule of law. George Bush swore on the Bible to “Uphold and Defend The Constitution of the United States,” but when challenged in a staff meeting said “The Constitution is just a god damned piece of paper.”

Subpoenaed Michael Moore Claims Executive Privilege.

By Doug Markell

The White House has subpoenaed left wing subversive Michael Moore for traveling to Cuba and embarrassing the American health care and pharmaceutical industry. Moore was singled out for persecution by the government from among tens of thousands of US citizens who travel illegally to the stronghold of heathen anti-capitalist pig Fidel Castro. When asked why the Bush Administration had singled out Moore for abuse, White House Spokesman Tony Snow replied “because he’s fat.” For his part, Moore said that as CEO of his own company, he would invoke “Executive Privilege” in refusing to comply with the subpoena. When asked by free press dame Helen Thomas if Moore’s claim of Executive Privilege was credible, Snow replied, “Of course not. You can only invoke Executive Privilege if you are trying to cover up lies, deceit, or treasonous behavior. Moore’s transgressions obviously don’t meet that standard, you senile old hag.”

In a press release, the pharmaceutical/health industry praised the Moore subpoena. “Moore’s actions could endanger the fortunes of hundreds of top executives in the health care industry, for god’s sake. Sick people are worth billions!” said industry lobbyist George W. Bush. The tobacco industry also weighed-in in favor of singling out Moore for selective enforcement of US travel restrictions. Speaking off the record, unnamed tobacco industry lobbyist Fred Thompson expressed industry concern about the prospect of improved relations with Cuba. “Those damn Cuban cigars would put the American tobacco industry out of business!” said Thompson, adding, “Besides, We have the god given right to crush any foreign power that refuses to worship our god.” When pressed on who he was referring to as “our god,” Thompson replied “Lord Greenback you moron! What are you, some kind of commie or something?”

White House Staffers Caught Burglarizing DNC Headquarters Claim Executive Privilege.

By Doug Markell

Five high level White House staffers were arrested at about 2 AM today inside DNC headquarters after allegedly breaking in through a locked door. Police reports state that the gang appeared to be in the process of pilfering laptops from inside the DNC nerve center. Secure file cabinets were also found to have been forced open and documents on official DNC letterhead, including sensitive donor information, were found in the possession of the alleged burglars. In addition to pry bars and lock picking tools, the group had in their possession an array of sophisticated eavesdropping equipment with the phrase “Made in People’s Republic of Iran” crudely, and apparently hastily, inscribed with a black felt tipped marker. The suspects are also reported to have had pockets bulging with purloined office supplies including pens, staplers, and paper clips. All were reported to have been wearing “Jeb in ‘08” campaign buttons.

Under questioning, all five suspects invoked executive privilege in refusing to cooperate with officers on the scene. Moments after being transported to police headquarters, the gang of five was set free from custody after White House lawyers contacted local police directly and demanded the “immediate and unconditional” release of the arrestees under the provision of diplomatic immunity. Reached by telephone for comment, a police spokesman stated that, “They [the White House legal council] threatened us with National Guard intervention “at a time of their choosing” if the release order was not complied with, pronto.” “Hey, I got a family. And besides, we just don’t have the firepower to keep these guys in the slammer,” said the spokesman. White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob said that the situation was “nuanced,” adding that President Bush had already issued a blanket pardon to the “domestic field services operatives in question.” “The President felt that the punishment would have been to harsh,” added Snowjob.

Cheney Resigns - Jeb Gets VP Spot

By Doug Markell

Dick Cheney has apparently taken one for the Gipper and resigned as VP just before the Republican National Convention nominates a candidate. George Bush immediately named his brother Jeb to fill the number two spot quipping "When I think about a number two, I always think of Jeb." Republican stalwarts are delighted, as is the Bush family who, collectively, always thought Jeb was the “smart one.” Rather like Moe when compared with Curly and Larry. Perhaps the two Republicans who are most dismayed at this turn of events are Condoleezza Rice and George W. Bush himself. George himself dismayed? But why?

George Walnut Bush is as insecure as he is a shameless grandstander; for example, he declared in no uncertain terms, almost angrily in fact, that his wife, Laura (who "accidentally" killed her ex-boyfriend), will NEVER run for elective office. Why? Because she is more popular than he is. Her approval ratings would humiliate him. For this same reason George was loath to tap his big brother for VP when Dick Cheney bit the sacrificial wand. Well placed sources say that Jeb was given the nod when Barbara Bush personally called George Jr. and read him the riot act. She insisted that he, George, give his brother Jeb a shot being President. “Everybody in the family gets to be President for at least four years and now it’s your brother’s turn!” said the former First Lady.

And while we are on the subject, why wasn't Condi Rice chosen as VP? Maybe, just maybe, because Condi Rice, the Do Nothing Secretary of State who ignored the “Bin Ladin Determined To Attack Inside The United States” Presidential Daily Brief when she was the Do Nothing National Security Advisor is flat out unelectable. Yes, Condi is truly and diametrically the “Anti-Hillary.”

“Right Wing” Disproves Evolution: Govt. Funded Research Proves God Created Life

Just when you thought it could not get any stranger, it did. An animal that should not exist does. Is it the work of God?

By Doug Markell

The White House today announced that a government-funded “multibrazillion” dollar research effort has produced definitive proof that God, not Evolution, is responsible for the physical form of all life on the planet. A high ranking government official, who insisted on anonymity to avoid the “appearance of a conflict of interest”, introduced project head Mia Culpa, lead researcher, and co-chair of the conservative “Because We Said So” Foundation. Ms. Culpa told reporters that the discovery of the entirely “new” family of birds was made by missionaries in a hitherto unexploited and remote region of the globe. The location of the find, according to the high ranking government official, is being withheld for “reasons of national security.”

Ms. Culpa went on to describe the highly unusual bird and its attributes. Attributes so unquestionably imperfect, according to Ms. Culpa, that if “evolution were a fact, this poor creature would not exist today, yesterday, or ever. This animal could only be on earth at all because the Lord created it exactly how it is right now, period!” So enamored by the seeming “paradox of imperfection demonstrating perfection” the Republican Party has added adopting the bird as its new mascot as a plank in the platform of the upcoming GOP National convention. But there is more.

From the podium, Ms. Culpa displayed a large graphic of the new bird species, pointing out that one striking feature of the animal is a disproportionately large right wing, or “God wing”, as referred to by Ms. Culpa, which “represents the good right hand of God”, while the left wing is by all appearances perfectly proportional to the animals body. Ms. Culpa also referred to the left wing as the “Chicken Wing.”

Ms. Culpa went on to point out that at the of tip of the God wing is what she described as a “combat knuckle”; a bulbous knoblike callus that is used primarily for internecine combat, but is also used to stun prey items, which consist mainly of their own young. When asked if, based on her description, the bird was “flightless”, Ms. Culpa replied that bird was, “on the contrary, an ‘accomplished flier’ and an inspiration to all ‘True Believers’”, adding “the fact that this bird can indeed soar demonstrates the Right’s ability to overcome the inherent weakness of the Left. Displaying true Conservative Values, this noble animal takes wing, flies in a circle and always comes back to roost where it took off from. This behavior clearly demonstrates the importance of home and family to the species.”

When pressed by skeptical pool reporters about the claims of flight, Ms. Culpa explained that the bird, at “great peril to itself,” climbs to dizzying heights “via podia”, (‘it walks’). Driven by the urge to flight, the bird catapults itself into midair from cloud-piercing heights, launched forward with the aid of a powerful and highly specialized middle digit called the “kicking toe”. The kicking toe, when held straight above the head is also used to display hostile intent, said Ms. Culpa. Once “aloft” the creature begins to flap its wings wildly. However, the aerodynamic imbalance caused by its dominant right wing makes it impossible for the bird to fly straight or gain altitude. The bird’s curious asymmetry forces it into a downward trajectory that describes a tight counterclockwise “death spiral”, culminating in speeds approaching those of a falling rock. Incredulous reporters questioned Ms. Culpa about how the bird could possibly survive, let alone “come home to roost”, after a delirious semi-freefall from nosebleed inducing heights. Ms. Culpa pointed out an enormous air-filled structure on the bird’s chest, the “windbag”, she said slows the plunging decent by “breaking wind”, and acting as an airbrake. In its natural environment, the bird keeps the windbag full in a constant threat display. Fortunately the windbag also cushions the inevitable hard landing, said Ms. Culpa. A thick layer of chest hair-like feathers further inflates the appearance of the chest, but offers no real protection. Asked the reason the bird even performs the “going for broke” high-altitude flying maneuver, Ms. Culpa, offered that “the bird is virtually fearless. By plunging from death defying heights and surviving, it is demonstrating its strength of character, leadership ability, and an abiding faith in God!”

Somewhere between bemused and annoyed, this reporter had to ask why the birds’ eyes were on the back of what appeared to be a small knob-like head perched at the end of long, featherless, pencil thick red neck. “The eyes are at the back of the head so the bird can see potential attackers coming from behind”, explained Ms. Culpa. “The configuration is also emblematic of the traditional value of looking backward to avoid changing course. The facts in front of you should never influence your direction. And after all, that’s what really defines ‘Conservatism’, isn’t it?”

“What about the thin red neck and knob head?” I asked. “Well, when confronted with an indefensible position, the bird lets out a loud sound to distract its adversary, and then indulges in a somewhat self-deprecating maneuver analogous to that performed by Ostriches, but it doesn’t exactly stick its head in the ground”, explained Ms. Culpa. “Are saying the bird screeches, and then performs a self-directed ‘cranio-rectal inversion’ for lack of less sanguine expression?” I queried. “Well, I wouldn’t actually call it a 'screech'. I think the bird’s scientific name actually describes the sound quite well”, replied Ms. Culpa. “And the scientific name is…?” I asked. “It’s named ‘Scoreggia pasqualiensis’, after the Italian ornithologist who first heard the bird’s cry”, said Ms. Culpa. “So, the guy who heard it first, his name is Pasqual Scoreggia? You said the name describes the sound it makes”, I replied. “Well, the ornithologist’s name is Enzo Pasquali. The sound that the bird makes is actually described by the Italian word ‘scoreggia’. It refers to a sound produced by the ‘neither regions’ of the human body.” “You mean from the butt?’” I queried. “Exactly.” replied Ms. Culpa.

Incredulous, I said to Ms. Culpa, “Let me sum this up, if you will. You have a bird that you believe was personally designed by God, and that you consider as being the perfect embodiment of the Republican Party, its ideals and its morals. Is that correct?” “Yes, indeed.” replied Ms. Culpa. “And, if I may continue, this “perfect” bird is a cannibal, that can’t fly straight, and smashes face first into the ground after climbing to any significantly height. This ideal bird of yours perpetually threatens others by flashing a hairy-chested windbag, and petulantly flips off everything in sight with its muscular middle digit when it gets grumpy just to start a fight. It can’t see where it’s going and doesn’t want to. And on top of that, it breaks wind and sticks its head where the ‘car keys’ shouldn’t be when it gets itself into bind. Is that an accurate accounting, Ms. Culpa?” “Yes it is.” replied Ms. Culpa. “Well, thank you, Ms. Culpa. Just one last question, if I may.” “Certainly, go right ahead”, replied Ms. Culpa. “Yea. If they’re such aggressive creatures and they eat their own young, how do they reproduce?” I asked. “Well, we don’t have all the facts yet, but we are sure that it doesn’t involve sex, and if it did it would be after they were married, thank you!”

Claimer: The characters referred to herein are semi-nonfictional. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely intentional.